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Climbing blog: Never say never

So, today is the 17th May 2012, two years to the day since I stood at the top of Mount Everest, breaking a British record.
It was one of the most incredible moments of my life - all that doubt and worry, the physical pain and exhaustion - it had all been worth it, I was the highest person on Earth. I fell to my knees in tears, and said a prayer of thanks to the mountain for letting me climb it.
Two days later I sat at the bottom of the icefall - a jumble of ice and crevasses 600m high (and the entry up to Everest) having descended to base camp. I remember vividly taking off my helmet and crampons ‘for the last time’. I then looked up at that deadly mass of teetering ice blocks and gaping crevasses and thought ‘I never have to go up there again - I made it out alive, and now I can go home’.
Well, never say never. Two years after that incredible expedition I am back at base camp and back climbing through the icefall - which this year has claimed a life and suffered itself from massive avalanches as seracs hanging off the west shoulder crash down into it.
In fact, the entire route up the mountains Everest and Lhotse are arguably in bad condition - just this morning three Sherpas were badly injured climbing the Lhotse face. One from a serac collapsing and wiping out a few tents at the already precarious camp 3. He broke his leg and shoulder and has now been airlifted to hospital. The others were hit by rocks coming down from Lhotse’s summit - a head injury being the worst of all.
Amongst this my team and I are pretty much stuck at base camp and we listen out desperately for any tit bits of news as to how the mountain’s condition is developing. We have been off the hill for nearly three weeks whilst we wait for the right weather conditions to attempt a summit bid. I am now a Connect4 obsessive and a few highly competitive games of Monopoly have been played!
I imagine being in the couloir on Lhotse summit day, of reaching the summit and watching the sunrise over Tibet. I think about everything that could go wrong and how I would cope in those scenarios. I imagine myself staying calm, of breathing efficiently, of having a clear head. Of checking and rechecking my safety system on the fast paced descent. I then imagine once more that feeling - the best feeling in the world - of finishing the descent at the bottom of the icefall, taking off my helmet and saying to myself ‘Never again, I made it out alive, and now I can go home’.
Maybe I’ve just got a bug that’s too much to shake. Despite all this waiting, there aren’t many places I’d rather be than primed for a summit attempt on a tough 8000m peak. Apart from maybe at the top of it!
So my next blog is most likely to be post summit attempt, once the dye has been cast. To all you Sportsisters - wish me luck and thanks for reading. B.
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